I don’t know what it is. I love this city; I loathe this city. I just returned from a business trip to Boston and I love (lovelove) to see the Manhattan skyline when my plane descends into this city. It’s a view unlike any other. A city unlike any other.
I wait for my bags, they don’t come. I find out I’m at the wrong carousel. I walk to the right carousel. My bag is not there. I walk to the baggage office. There’s my bag. But I need my baggage ticket. Oh, baggage ticket, wherefore art thou in this deep, black depth of a carry on bag? Never mind, Ms. Emily says the baggage guy…. while he seems quite nice, I’m not really in the mood to flirt with baggage guy. Despite my fatigue I smile, say thank you and wish him a nice night. He seems to perk up at this pleasant exchange and tries to get more interaction/time with me. Sigh, I smile and leave.
Man approaches me asking if I need a cab. “No”, I reply. You need a yellow cab, he says. “No.”, I reply again. But I add for good measure, “I have someone coming to pick me up”. A lie. I even linger before I get into the cab line because I don’t want him to see that I’ve lied to him. Sigh, I get into the taxi queue.
I reach my neighborhood, gather my belongings from the cab and as it pulls away I think, crap, where is my phone? In the deep, deep depths of my black hole bag, I search for a moment. I can’t find it. I stop myself and tell myself, “it’s over, you can’t change it if you left in the in cab, just get home”. Sigh, I climb four flights of stairs with my luggage, my black hole bag and my computer case that contains two (very heavy) laptops.
I open the door. The apartment is stuffy and my neighbor is loud. There is actually a part of me that wants to drive a spike through his eye-ball. Maybe then he won’t play his music at a level that I can hear. Sigh, I put down my things.
Forty five minutes earlier I had been reveling in the New York City skyline. Now, I’m wondering how I ended up here, in this tiny space, in this loud space, in this non-homey space. I want quiet. I want stars. I want vacancy and consideration. I want to be in a place where people don’t want anything from me. I want serenity.
Sigh, I’m not sure any of those things can be found. Found here. Sigh.
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