I’ve been beginning to wonder if I’ve strayed too far from center.  I’ve been feeling the weight of knowing I should be paying more attention to my spiritual life; prayer, meditation, focus.  I can feel my life fraying at the edges and it’s merely because I’m not spending enough time with God.

I feel strange even typing those words, as if the people who know me and will read this will think differently of me.  I’ve become that Christian that’s afraid of making their faith known.  I’m not sure why either — the people I surround myself with and include in my life all know I have faith (and that it’s not quite “typical”).

I think we all tend to surround ourselves with people who are like minded (to some degree), and I’m no different.  I think I’m a strange dichotomy – I’m a religious right but a political left.

I started going to back to church, I think, in an effort to find and anchor some roots.  This city is a difficult place to build a life and find connections.  A church family seems a logical place to grow one.  And so I returned to Marble Collegiate Church, the church I’ve been attending on and off for the past two years.  I only attend Wednesday services since my weekends are usually too full to include Sunday worship.  I’m drawn by two things.  One – their inclusive philosophy.  People of all sexual orientations are welcome (ranking high on my list of things that bother me about religion is hypocrisy).  Two – the Reverend who speaks on Wednesday nights.  Rev. Lewicki is warm, friendly, unassuming and engaging.  He’s accessible and, considering my track record with church leaders, he never supposes himself above any of the challenges every man/woman faces.  And – when that man hugs you hello? He actually hugs you.  This may not seem like much, but I think it speaks volumes.

I’m having a hard time balancing my faith in this city of skeptics, in a life where I’ve left behind most of the people I grew up in church with.  I’m founded by my faith but am not sure what that means in my day-to-day.  I don’t mind being labeled a Christian, but I don’t want to be grouped with those that judge, condemn, isolate and hate.  I’ve nothing but love and acceptance to give — that’s what I hope people see.