peek-a-boo

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Buena Vista ParkI’m emerging.  Parts of myself that I never acknowledged or allowed to breathe are slowing becoming undeniable and are begging for fresh air.  I haven’t meant to change my hair color six times in the past six months, but I never got quite the right shade I had in my minds eye…..but with each of these external changes, I’ve changed a little bit inside.  It was if my external being was marking the small changes on the inside…..my external search for the “right” shade matched the internal changes of searching for the right moment to emerge with this new undeniable self.

I’ve always known “who” I am….the foundation, the cement, the roots, the morals, the ideals, ideas; the center.  But while the roots are deep, the branches are reaching higher and higher, searching for light, stretching in space I previously denied myself.    A girl who was the size I used to be wasn’t supposed to be seen, she tried to blend in as much as possible; never wanting to stick out.  But this new girl wants to be seen, won’t be denied her space and commands your attention.

She’s coming out of her chrysalis, getting ready to fly.

 

 

poisoned candy

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Smile and my walls come down.

Eyes lock and I immediately change my mind.

I know I should walk away. I know I should turn and walk away.  But you’re wearing that suit and I can’t help but smile, move closer and unintentionally find a way to touch you.  

When you’re out of sight, out of mind…I can tell myself that your baggage pile is so high that no one can climb over it, that it’s not worth it….that you’re not worth it.

But when you’re in my sight, in my mind…I forget all the steel that I’ve forged, all the cement mortar I’ve laid…