Walking. All I want to do is walk.  One foot in front of the other with no destination. The blue of twilight, my favorite part of the day, turns to black and the cool wind is harsher than a breeze.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be love and sweetness. It was supposed to be success and happiness. It was supposed to be adventure and the promise of a better tomorrow.

I watch those around me and compare. Comparison is poison. I took what I could get and found it as hollow as I knew it would be. No one could have told me any differently, I knew the truth and choose this path anyway.

And so I sit alone. Walk alone. Sleep alone. Awake alone.

I was told that I shouldn’t feel alone but I have everything I need, just not in one entity. True to its core, it’s still doesn’t fill this need.

I’m not sure how to be anyone but me or act like anyone but me.  I reach out and pull back, wanting to connect but not wanting to feel. I can’t have one without the other.

Things I thought I could live without are proving  to be difficult to ignore.  I’ve given so much of myself to this city and it’s nights and I’m not sure the deal I’ve made leaves me a winner.

The weight of lacking, the weight of silence.  It’s proving difficult to ignore.

Advertisements