It may be because it’s the end of the year.  It may be because I’m about to turn 30 (well, in 3 months, but still…).  It might be because of the strange place I find myself in.  It’s no matter how I arrived here, but I’m at a crossroads of sorts.  I need to make better choices; healthier choices.

It’s a strange head space to be in when you know you’re not making the best decisions you could be making for yourself.  What I want and what I should want don’t seem to connect.   Take the path to the left: healthy choice.  Take the path on the right: needy/co-dependent/selling-myself-short choice.  Which one would you take?  Exactly.  But I’ve been choosing the path on the right.  Why? Because it feels good.  In the short term.

Why is it so difficult to make the choice you know is best for you in the long term?   I have a pretty stubborn streak and when I want something, I want it.  And I will get it.  I will make it happen.  But this? I can’t make this happen.  I cannot have it.  And so I’m in limbo, in purgatory – sometimes heaven, most of the time, hell.  Alright, it’s not that dramatic.  But it sucks.  I’m here of my own volition, though.

The path from hell to health depends on one thing.  Making.that.choice.  I need to choose me.

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