It’s really strange for me to think of how far I’ve come.  It was six weeks ago that I told my roommate I wanted her to move out.  I can’t believe six weeks have gone by so fast.  The other strange thing is that I don’t miss her.  At all.  I had some sadness at the beginning; I was mourning the loss of a friendship that never really existed.  She was mean to me.  She threw adult tantrums and swore at me until I backed down.  Having someone to do laundry with does not make a friendship.

This whole experience has really showed me how important it is to rely upon one’s gut.  Back in the winter I knew I didn’t want to sign another lease with her, but she assured me things would be different, she assured me things would change.  Change, they did not. 

It was such a huge step for me to even ask her to leave.  I know it’s cliche, but I finally stood up for myself.  It wasn’t okay for someone to treat me the way I was being treated, and it was sticky because we were friends.  But that’s the thing; we weren’t.  I don’t/didn’t need to have a ‘friend’ who thought it was okay to talk/treat me that way. I have enough people in my life that actually care about me and of who I would consider true friends to not need to take any more of her brand of friendship. 

It all boils down to this.  I had to change my text message tone on my cell phone because every time it beeped my stomach would drop and my heart would pound.  I had been conditioned to expect a fight via text message every time I heard that noise.  Her messages were so vitrolic, all of the time, that I had become accustomed to something that caused my body to react in a negative way. This small example is such a summary of my relationship with her; her toxicity was eventually too much to bear.  So out she went.

Six weeks later I am so much happier.  The constant complaining is gone.  The pile of dishes is gone.  The pile of personal items in our common space; gone.  And it it’s place is a sweet, caring, considerate person whom I actually like and have respect for.

I never thought I’d have to write about my feelings on ‘standing up for myself’ – but here I am.  The bully in the playground is gone and I’m the one who banished her forever.