Last week I thought I heard the death rattle, and this week I poked it with a stick and, yep, it is indeed dead.  On Monday I decided that because I wasn’t going to get any closure from him, I needed to create it for myself.  Every time I signed on to my e-mail, 6 months of emails from him sat there, taunting me.  And every time I saw them, it made me sad.  The stupid electronic emails actually had the power to evoke emotion in me.  And that’s how it started.  I clicked, clicked, and clicked my way through six months of emails from him and to him, and then hit delete.  Even having them gone made me sad.  Then it was over to my online photo album, where all the photos he sent me were stored.  I opened it up, looked at the thumbnail sized photos, and clicked, ‘select all’.  Again, I hit delete.  And just like they were never there…..all the emails and photos were gone.

With the strength from my previous moves, I opened up my cell phone, and deleted his text messages.  Next I paused, unsure of whether to make the next step.  But I again moved forward, I deleted his phone number.  I really didnt want to, I’ll be honest.  But I knew that if I didn’t delete it, I would use it.  And I can’t have that. 

I’m proud of myself for doing it, and even prouder still for not reading any of the old emails or texts and looking at any of the photos.  It was swift and decisive (even if it didn’t feel like it) and when it was done, I really felt like “it” was finished.

It was just so volcanic. things were excalating just fine, and the poof! all of the sudden it was gone.  I spent a little time wondering what I did, what I said, what changed.  But since there will never be any answers to those questions; I’ve stopped asking them.

So for my own peace of mind, I’ve put this into a box in my mind and labeled it ‘fun while it lasted’.  And it was.  It was fun….while it lasted.

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