I rely on my intuition.  And my intuition is telling me that it’s over.  I don’t know if I scared him away by my admissions or simply — disinterest set in, or boredom or the newness wore off.  But it sucks.  I know it’s corny to say, but I believe that everything of note happens for a reason.  I haven’t worked out what his purpose in my life was but I have an inkling.  The main idea that sticks out for me is that he was so insistent in living life to the fullest.  That he only had one shot at this life and he was going to take full advantage.  It’s slightly inspiring to me.  At the very least, his presence in my life allowed me to see myself in a different way; a good thing.  I’m just really bummed that it’s over.  I had counted him as a friend and now that friendship is gone.  Granted, I guess there is the chance that ‘it’s not over’ — but my intuition is telling me otherwise.

I emailed him last week, very light, fluffy, benign — and have decided that this last correspondance is it for me.  If he emails me back, then great.  If not…..then….c’est ca.  That’s it.

And so I am hearing the death rattle.  The demise came a lot quicker than I thought.  I dont think that I read the signs incorrectly or even that I played my cards incorrectly.  It just is what it is, was what it was. 

It simply comes to this; that it sucks and I wish I could just forget about him, not have him cross my mind.  That I’d just be able to close this chapter in my life and move on.

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